Go touch some grass and other things you could do during earth week.

Thanks to the generations before us, everything green and blooming has been covered in tar and concrete. Now; we are all forced to live, laugh and love the musty stench of pollution and the harsh eyesores they call buildings.

The filthy bourgeois pigs would have you believe that the current state of the ecological climate is your fault; as they fly over our heads in their private jets excreting extensive CO2. Like; “If you’re not planting trees in Kenya or bathing with baby elephants, are you really connecting with nature?.”

While the truth of the matter is, that some of these “how to connect with nature” infographics that companies post are inaccessible to the youth. They either cost a lot of money, have harmful byproducts, or are culturally exploitative. We, Gen Z commoners, only have so many ways of connecting with nature. So here is the most sensible yet unhinged list of things that you can do this Earth Week.

1. Go touch some grass.

No, but seriously, go put your hands in some soil. Plant something. Build a sand cake. Dig for worms. Play with some mud. Plant vegetable remains.

It sounds too simple to be effective, kind of like telling someone to exercise and eat right to cure depression. However, engaging with nature in a playful way does have a freeing and calming effect. There is a reason why you enjoyed activities like this as a child. When “playing outside”, you’re exposing yourself to vitamin D. Plus, I hate to say this but sometimes… You do need to get off that damn phone.

2. Take LSD and talk to the trees.

One of my art lectures said they took acid in some Scandinavian Woods and spoke to the trees. They said that they have never felt closer to nature and even sober they try to connect with nature at such a level.

(I’m not here to tell you what choices are good or bad. I’m just here to tell you that you have choices. Don’t sue when you have a bad trip)

If you’re not into the whole “taking acid” thing (understandable), then speak to your plants and trees without being under the influence of hard drugs. They tend to be great listeners.

3. Punch a CEO/COO.

If they have a network of 7 figures or higher, they probably deserve it. Remember to tuck your thumb in so that you don’t dislocate it.

4. Steal from the rich.

Go into rich neighbourhoods and take the plants from the gardens. Pick some flowers. Take plant cuttings, for example, succulents, so that you may plant them in your own home.

5. Botanical Gardens are underrated.

Botanical Gardens are a great place to have picnics, go for hikes, walk your dogs and enjoy the outdoors. You might not be able to have a picnic on the green pastures of a New Zealand summer, but botanical gardens have more to offer than you think. Try attending as often as you can and watch how nature changes throughout the seasons of the year.

6. Reuse, Reuse, Recycle - but make it art.

Create art, without buying anything. Use what is around you to create something new. Bonus points if your art is functional as well. For example, if your jeans have torn at the thighs then turn them into a bag/ bucket hat, or melt old candles to create a new one.